not greiving = sickness

so i have been sick for 10 days straight and I am still not better Dad. I mean, flu symptoms. Weak, chills, cough, cold, congestion. I NEVER call into work and yet last week I only went in for a couple of half days. All others were spent sleeping and literally in bed. What gives? I have been working out so much so that I get so physically exhausted I just come home and go to bed so I don't have to sit and be with my thoughts. I guess you made it catch up to me huh? I guess the grief I keep in does come out in other ways. Do you really want me to come to terms that you are not in my life anymore?, I don't think i am ready Dad. I was looking through old photos of you and cried for an hour. Its not fair. I miss you so much. I miss your face and your beedy eyes. I miss your jokes and your antics and I miss you telling me everything is going to be alright. The relationship I have with mom is not the same as I had with you. I am trying to build it dad but its hard. what's the lesson dad...why are you gone. I need advice dad