not greiving = sickness

so i have been sick for 10 days straight and I am still not better Dad. I mean, flu symptoms. Weak, chills, cough, cold, congestion. I NEVER call into work and yet last week I only went in for a couple of half days. All others were spent sleeping and literally in bed. What gives? I have been working out so much so that I get so physically exhausted I just come home and go to bed so I don't have to sit and be with my thoughts. I guess you made it catch up to me huh? I guess the grief I keep in does come out in other ways. Do you really want me to come to terms that you are not in my life anymore?, I don't think i am ready Dad. I was looking through old photos of you and cried for an hour. Its not fair. I miss you so much. I miss your face and your beedy eyes. I miss your jokes and your antics and I miss you telling me everything is going to be alright. The relationship I have with mom is not the same as I had with you. I am trying to build it dad but its hard. what's the lesson dad...why are you gone. I need advice dad

main beam

who would have thought that after 29 years of my perfect life a main beam would be removed from our structure. now trying to keep the building from fallin apart. how does one rebuild? How do you hold everything together....I don't know how to rebuild dad.

i don't have a soul anymore

mom told me today you were her soulmate and now you are gone she doesn't have a soul. thats what she said Dad....she told me that today. After losing you not even 3 months ago Uncle Billy was just dianosed with lung cancer. Aunt DD was talking to mom about how she knows how she feels....being helpless and all...leaving the fate of your loved one in the hands of god. You were her soul.